I'm Twelve.
I'm Twelve, and I weigh One Hundred and Eighty pounds. I am 5'7 in height. I have the side of my head shaved. I have my ears stretched at a 1'2. I wear Ray-Bans, that are actually prescripted. My eyes are blue and my hair is brown.
I'd call myself typical.
When I was about Ten, maybe Nine, I wanted to be scene. You know? Those girls with the dark make-up and the heavy eyeliner, the ones who wear tiger printed jeans and All-Stars with writing all over them, and of course their hair died purples and pinks and blues and shit.
But uh.. Yeah I grew out of that faze.
Truth is, I only wanted to be scene because of my older sister. Who is a whopping 5 years older than me.
Did I even say my name?
No, I didn't, ha. Sorry about that one. I seem to get off of things sometimes.
Well, my name is a name that usually would fit an Eighty-year old woman.
Helga.
How fucking cruel, right? Really, mum?
Nah, it wasn't my mum. I'm just joking. It was my darling Grandmother who decided for that one.
Gosh, I hate that bitch.
Ah, lucky me, though. She's dead, is that mean? Nah..
I mean, it's pretty fucking horrible but hey, she hated me too.
I've spent a majority of my life just sitting around, you know. Being awkward. Staring at the scenery.
I've always liked it that way, though. A part of me enjoys the loneliness I have developed.
I cut myself.
That escalated quickly, yeah. I know.
I thought you should know, though. Since you're reading this and shit.
Sometimes I wish I had a crazy reason for explaining why I cut myself, like my dad raped me, or my mom hits me.
Nah.
None of that has happened to me.
That's why I feel stupid telling people it, and the thing is-
I don't have a main reason why I do it.
Maybe it's my weight, my thighs, my parents.
God I don't fucking know.
It's everything that's wrong in my life, everything I believe is wrong with me.
Every horrible thought I have of myself.
I could give you a Million reasons to why I do it. But I will never be able to come up with the main, if you do it you would understand.
This is only the first part, of my story.
